SAUNDARANANDA 13.19: Walking the Walk

etaavac chiilam ity uktam
aacaaro 'yaM samaasataH
asya naashena n' aaiva syaat
pravrajyaa na gRha-sthataa

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13.19
Such is termed "practice of integrity."

In sum, it is conduct;

Without it there could truly be

No going forth, nor state of being at home.

COMMENT:
In sum, it is walking the walk.

These comments of mine are so much talking the talk. But the work of translation is walking the walk. Each verse is four steps in a walk, in a "going into movement," one foot in front of the other.

It is good to be on a long path that is going somewhere. It is not a path I imagined I would be walking, but the point is not to pick and choose a path. "Beggars can't be choosers," as my grandparents used to say. Any path will do.

When Gudo Nishijima and Jeff Bailey returned from a trip to America in the mid-1980s, Gudo reported back to me that Jeff had come up with the idea that I should be "the champion of Dogen Sangha." What did it mean in terms of my actual conduct, I wondered? It didn't mean anything. It was only an idea, a good bit of talking the talk. But my deluded reaction to the idea was all too real. And sadly at that time I was not possessed of any means for dealing with emotional reaction to an idea -- and neither would I be possessed of the means until I met Marjory Barlow many years later.

Even now, day by day, verse by verse, step by step, I am struggling to give up the idea that I am destined to play some great role as a "Buddhist" leader: I wish to be free from the undesired reactions, the energetic leakages, that the idea seems to mobilize in me. But the idea has buried itself a long way down. I think I am free of it, then I notice some emotional reaction in myself and realise I was not free after all. Have to dig deeper.

GRha-sthataa at the end of the verse could be translated "lay practice" or "practice as a householder." I considered those two translations, but they didn't sound right to my (admittedly faulty) ear, based on my experience over the past 30 years of sometimes going forth and sometimes being at home, sometimes failing to go forth, and sometimes failing to be at home. "State of being at home" sounds right to my ear: it has overtones that hint at the backward step of turning one's light and shining -- the backward step that is always available to anybody, regardless of social status, caste, colour, or creed.

Who am I? A Buddhist monk? A Buddhist householder undergoing a solitary summer retreat? No, I am neither of those two. A non-Buddhist monk, then? A non-Buddhist householder? Or a non-Buddhist scrounger? A non-Buddhist dosser enjoying another long holiday? I don't know. On a good day, I don't care two hoots either.

Not knowing who I am, I devote myself as best I can to the conscious practice of integrity, as far as I understand it, as a backward step, and I get on with this translation work in forward steps, one foot in front of the other.

The mainspring of integrity, as FM Alexander rightly observed, is a person's central alignment such that the head, arms, and legs are all as if spilling out from the expanding depths of one's being. When this integrity is truly practised, it seems to me, it doesn't matter who I am. After a heavy downpour, the birds begin again to sing.

EH Johnston:
This much is said to be discipline. To put it briefly, it is good behaviour ; in its absence there can be no proper life either as a mendicant or as a householder.

Linda Covill:
Such is what is termed moral self-restraint. To summarize, it is virtuous conduct; were it to disappear, neither true going forth nor true household life would be possible

VOCABULARY:
etaavat: ind. so far , thus far , so much , in such a degree , thus
shiilam = accusative of shiila: habit , custom , usage , natural or acquired way of living or acting , practice , conduct , disposition , tendency , character , nature ; good disposition or character , moral conduct , integrity , morality , piety , virtue ; (with Buddhists, " moral conduct " , is one of the 6 or 10 perfections or pAramitAs [q.v.] and is threefold , viz. sambhAra , kuzala-saMgrAha , sattvA*rtha-kriyA Dharmas. 106) ;
a moral precept (with Buddh. there are 5 fundamental precepts or rules of moral conduct cf. paJca-zIla)
iti: " "
uktam (accusative): uttered, said, spoken

aacaaraH: conduct , manner of action , behaviour , good behaviour , good conduct ; custom , practice , usage , traditional or immemorial usage (as the foundation of law) ; an established rule of conduct , ordinance , institute , precept ; (with Buddhists) agreeing with what is taught by the teacher
ayam: this, this is
samaasa: aggregation , conjunction , combination , connection , union , totality
-taH: ablative suffix

asya (genitive): of it
naashena = instrumental of naasha: the being lost , loss , disappearance
na: not
eva: (emphatic)
syaat: might be

pravrajyaa: f. going forth from home (first rite of a layman wishing to become a Buddh. monk) ; f. roaming , wandering about (esp. as a religious mendicant ; f. the order of a religious mendicant
na: not
gRha: home, house
stha: standing, staying , abiding , being situated in , existing or being in; occupied with , engaged in , devoted to performing , practising
- taa: -ness, state of, being
gRhasthataa: being a householder, [being-at-home]-ness